


Forbidden

by profRogers



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Angst, F/F, Romance, Taboo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2018-08-19 11:43:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8205205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/profRogers/pseuds/profRogers
Summary: "Love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest, and feels the strongest."The story of a young girl, an invisible woman, and an unholy worship.





	1. Chapter 1

_ Carol _

The music slowly comes to a stop, everyone quiets down almost immediately.

He stands in front of a podium, looking over his audience. His flock.

He's a good leader, a good principal. Responsible. Proper. True. 

I should be happy with him. Everyone thinks I am, that's what they say, that's what they see. 

I glance down at the seat next to me, shushing my youngest, softly asking him to be still and quiet. That's when I see her face, her smile, the way she's watching something.

You.

At the center of the room, you stand with the other honored students, so caught up in your duty. The way he is.

Her face lights up with adoration, longing, love. Or what she thinks is love. I know better. 

She catches your eyes.

I catch my breath.

You caught my heart, and you don't even know it.

Yet.

Your eyes sweep past me, pausing to lock on my face. I lower my head and look down. 

It's wrong. Yet my heart doesn't have the will to stop.

When the ceremony ends, she goes to you, leans into you. 

Your arm is on her back, as you laugh with her and your friends. I want to be near you, to stand with you. Instead I stand with him. 

I never laugh with him. Not anymore.

Smiling, I keep up the facade for another week. Gossipy housewives walk past, satisfied that things are good, right, perfect as they should be. 

Perfect isn't this.

Perfect is you.

Perfect is you with me, and no one else knowing.

Perfect is what I dream of, what I want most, what I yearn for. 

Perfect was last night in my father's old barn, with you buried inside of me while I screamed.

I don't worship in a church, I worship in a field, with you around me.

You are perfection.

And I am blinded by you.


	2. Chapter 2

_Therese_

Her skin isn't as soft as yours.

Her hair smells the same, the same shampoo, but it's not the same. It's just wrong enough.

It hurts me. It breaks me. Seeing you with him.

He doesn't know you the way I do.

He doesn't love you the way I do.

He doesn't touch you the way I do.

You told me, I know. Yet you stand with him, smile for him.

It's not the smiles you give to me. The ones that light up your whole face.

I can see your smile in her, and it calms me, makes things bearable.

If I can't have you, I can have her, right?

The next best thing to you.

"Are you coming over tonight, baby?" she asks, her eyes sparkling, full of happiness and hope.

I place a chaste kiss on her cheek, nodding assurance that I'll be there.

Of course I'll be there.

I can't pass up the chance to see you, even if it's under the pretense of seeing her.

She would break if she ever finds out about us, about the way I feel for you.

At least then we would match, she and I.

We'd both be broken.

Broken over you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carol is 35, and Therese is 18 in this story, so yes, nothing illegal here folks! :D
> 
> I think you guys have already figured it out at this point, but I just want to make sure. When Carol says "You", she means Therese, and vice versa. They're talking to each other in the story. Well, in their thoughts anyway :) 
> 
> "He" means Harge, and "she" refers to Rindy, she's 17. A bit taboo. But you guys will understand more as we go deeper.

_Carol_

"Shhhhh sweetheart, don't scream," I whisper.

You're so loud when you come, but maybe that's just with me.

Are you loud when you come for her? Do you come for her?

I know you've had sex with her. I heard her brag about it on the phone to her friends months ago. 

That was before I knew you. Before I wanted you.

Her father doesn't know about you and her. He'd throw you out of the house if he did.

That would be unacceptable. 

Because then I couldn't see you.

And I need you. So much. So, _so_ much. Much more than this little bit I'm allowed.

You smile, satisfied, and kiss my lips before lowering your head.

"You don't have to," I shake my head, "It's okay," 

"I want to," you growl, "I _need_ to." 

My lips tremble, and I see you kneel down in the dark, your mouth level with my modesty.

You hand finds my thighs, lifts my leg over your shoulder, as your tongue flicks out. 

I'm lost in ecstasy, fingers weaving through your hair as I pull you closer, deeper.

"Yes, more..." I whimper.

You don't disappoint. You never disappoint. 

I wonder where you learned this. 

I wonder if it was with her, with my daughter. 

Has she felt your tongue before? Does she come in your mouth like I do? 

Does she taste like I do?

My body trembles as you push me over the edge. My toes curl. My mouth hangs open, barely holding back a moan.

You stand, pulling me tight against you, kissing me. 

I taste myself on your lips. And I want it always. 

"I have a game this week, are you coming?" you ask, breathless, as your hands rub all over my tits.

"Of course."

"My first win is for you."

I'm giddy, like I was in high school, when I met him. 

I wish it had been you, but that was years ago. Why couldn't it be now? Why can't I be her?

Your jeans are zipped up quickly before you leave me alone in the dark closet, stopping by the bathroom to wash my smell from you. 

Of course.

You still have to kiss her goodnight.

What I wouldn't give for that kiss.

I don't go back downstairs, I just go to bed. I can't see her with you, see her love you. 

He's there, waiting. His touch doesn't feel like yours, and I picture you when he's on top of me, inside of me.

I wish it was you.


	4. Chapter 4

_Therese_

She pulls me outside, against the side of the house. Quiet giggles fill the air.

"Shhhh, listen," she says, suddenly standing still.

I scrunched my eyebrows together, confused.

But then I hear him. The open window right above us. His deep and heavy grunts floating through the quiet space.

"Ewwww, my parents are having sex!" She covers her ears and buries her head against my chest.

My stomach drops. You're letting him touch you, love you, the way I was doing only minutes before.

"Come on," she says, pulling me to the backyard. Up a ladder and into the tree house, I follow numbingly. 

My head hurts, I may vomit. 

Her tee is off, and her bra gone. Her nipples look like yours.

"Fuck me, Therese."

So I do it, because she asked me to. And because you're letting him have you.

I remember what he sounded like as he pounded into you, and I groan as I push my fingers into her tight pussy.

She's tighter than you are, but I don't like it.

"Therese," she moans, thrashing beneath me. I push harder, sucking on her neck as I do. 

Maybe if you see a hickey there tomorrow, you'll know what you did to me by letting him touch you.

"Oh god..." My breathing is short and ragged, "Mrs. Aird," I whisper, dropping my head on her shoulder.

She stills.

"What?"

"Mrs-M-Miss. Aird," I try to cover my fuck-up. "I-I don't know, I thought you liked those titles shit." 

She smiles, and I see your smile.

"Well, I do, but that sounds like my mom's name. Maybe don't say that one again, okay?" She laughs.

"Never again," I say, promising that I'll never slip again.

Or maybe I'll never be with her again.

This is hard...too hard.

I need you, and I don't like lying to her.

She's too much like you, I can't break her the way I'm broken.

"Thanks for the fuck, baby," she says, laying across the floor naked, catching her breath.

She's fucked. You're fucked. I'm fucked.

This whole thing is fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a very long time since I la- Wait a minute. 
> 
> What the hell are you doing here? Shouldn't you be spending this joyous time with your family? Shouldn't you take advantage of this free time to shower your loved ones with affections? Why are you on your phone? Why did you walk away from Uncle Jack? Why are you here, on this site, reading a very morally-ambiguous smut story? Shame on you! Shame on your cow! Shame on your s- all right all right all right it's okay I understand =))) I shouldn't even be talking though, I am wayyyy worse! (〃▽〃)
> 
> Haha happy Thanksgiving my dirty babies. God knows I love and am thankful for every single one of you ;)


	5. Chapter 5

_Carol_

There's a bruise on her neck.

I know it's from you. 

You left it there on purpose. I can feel it. 

I didn't notice the window open until after he was done last night. Your car was still outside when I looked.

I should have stayed in, but I just had to know.

In my gown, bare feet, I checked the house. You weren't there. 

The porch was empty, which only left one place.

Halfway across the yard, I could hear you, making the same sounds you make when you're with me.

I froze, listening to you. Hearing her come undone in your hands.

I covered my mouth to muffle my strangled gasps.

Then you said my name...

My heart stopped.

You covered it up, and I ran for the house, crying in the kitchen until I heard she come inside, going up to her room.

I watched your taillights fade in the distance.

I wished I was in the car with you. 

She sits at the kitchen table, proudly displaying her hickey. I'm sure it's more for her friends at school than for me.

She doesn't know how I feel about you. 

She's 17, she doesn't care about anyone's wants or needs. 

The week passes by like it always does. My mind is focused on Friday, when I'll get to see you again. 

I'm not expecting your car in my driveway Friday morning.

Rindy runs out the door, yelling her goodbye, as I wave.

Your eyes are on me, even when she leans across the center console and kisses your cheek.

I've leaned across that center console, while you sucked my tits, fingering me. It was in the woods that night, after the Fourth of July fireworks.

It was lucky for me that I forgot to turn off the barbecue, and you had time to drive me home.

I never forget to turn off the barbecue, but no one else has to know that.

Night comes and the next time I spot you, you're on the field, in your uniform.

"Next, Senior Forward Player, number 7, Therese Belivet!" the announcer says.

The crowd goes wild for you. I can't help the tinge of jealousy I feel over the screaming boys _and_   girls. I watch them swoon all around me.

Rindy's on the track, jumping and flipping. She's the perfect cheerleader, cheering on her perfect soccer playing girlfriend. Everything seems so perfect.

I wish it was. I wish that was me on the track, the way it was 18 years ago. When I caught his eyes.

I wish it had been yours.

Five minutes into the game, you make your first score. You know where I sit, always the same place.

Your head's angled my direction. You blow a kiss, everyone thinks it's for Rindy, who's on the track in front of me.

I know better.

I watch her, seeing the hickey has faded away. Just like your feelings for her.

They aren't as strong as what you feel for me.

They won't ever be, no matter what anyone else says.


	6. Chapter 6

_Therese_

I see her after the game, waiting with my friends. 

I wish she was you.

I know you've seen the hickey, I could see it in your eyes when I picked her up this morning. It hurt you.

I'm glad.

You hurt me, too.

All week I have been haunted by the sound of him...having sex with you...grunting and groaning with you.

I didn't hear your voice. Did you like it? Did you come? Were you under him? Or on top of him?

I never thought about sexual positions until I met you. You taught me.

I used Rindy that night. I'm sick about it. It hadn't ever been like that between us before.

I hadn't fucked her since I first kissed you. I couldn't. Until I heard him with you.

"Therese!" she yells for me. I pretend I didn't hear and walk straight past our group, my head facing the other direction. "Therese!" 

I keep walking. I can't stay, I need to get away. I need to see you.

I know you are here. I saw you on the bleacher. I blew a kiss to you after each score.

I made three for you. The final score of the game means nothing to me, only you.

Her steps follow me and I hear them getting closer.  I turn, ducking into the restroom, knowing there's another exit on the other side of the building.

Hands slap my back as I make my way through the crowd, congratulating me on the team's win. 

I don't care. I need to find you.

It's dark on the side of the building where I come out, and I run to my car. Parked along side the street I see your SUV, you're leaning against it.

My heart skips a beat. 

Carelessly tossing my stuff in the trunk, I run across the road, aching to see you. To touch you. 

"Carol." My words are soft, quite. You watch the street, the black underneath us.

We need to hide, before someone sees us. Before she comes looking for me. And I know she will, she knows I'm here. Somewhere.

I grab your hand, pulling you toward the baseball field, out of sight. The dugouts are quite, vacant, dark.

"I heard you," you say, "...in the tree house. Is it sick that I wonder if she's as good to you as I am?"

I let out a deep breath, letting my fingers trace along your arm. "I heard you too. Or him. Through the window. That's why I did it. You let him touch you, so I let her touch me. We're even now, right?"

Your eyes don't hide anything from me. I can see the pain there. The desire, the want, the hurt, the anger...the lust.

"I thought of you the whole time," you whisper, fingers trailing along my corner of my lips. "I wish it was you." 

My eyes slide closed. "I wish she was you. _So much_."

"I heard...I heard you call her my name."

Looking at you, how close you've gotten to me, I can't stop anymore. "I'm glad."

Pulling your body against mine, my lips are on yours. Pushing, pulling, tugging. Loving.

There's not much time, and I'm glad you're wearing a dress.

Even gladder when my fingers find no panties underneath. 

I sit on the bench, pulling you onto my lap.

My body is aching, crying out for you, and you sink onto me.

I've never felt so complete, content, fulfilled in all my life.

You give and I give right back, promising things I know I can't ever do, can't make happen. I don't care, I want them. With you. And only you.

When it's over, after you've screamed into my shoulder, I let you go. You leave, promising to find me soon.

I watch you walk away, smiling when I see the light glimmer off the wetness that's still dripping down your legs. 

It's disgusting. All of this. The cum, what we did, who we are.

And yet, it's everything to me.

I live for these stolen moments, and I don't think you even realize it.

Yet.


	7. Hotel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait, but here I am again!!! Happy to be back! 
> 
> Before reading this new chapter, I sincerely advise everyone to catch up by going back and read the previous chapters, don't worry I don't think it is too long :) 
> 
> (I know I had to re-read everything to even know where I am in the story lol. Probably I shouldn't be gone this long next time...)

Days pass. Weeks pass. Months pass.

So much time, so many stolen moments.

Rindy cries to me that she thinks you're fooling around behind her back. I'm her mother, I'm supposed to assure her that you love her, that you'd never do that.

I lie. Through my teeth.

I can't wait to see you again, even though know how much pain I'll cause her if she ever finds out.

Your soccer team makes the state championships.

I'm excited, not for the game. For the hotel room after.

I want to treat you to the most expensive hotel suites you can ever dream of, like the one in that movie you said you like when Rindy, you, and I watched that evening when you two first started dating. I apologize for not remembering the name of the movie, I was too busy stealing glances at you. 

God. It was so long ago.

But yes, if only I could take you to the Plaza, if only I could give you what you deserve. However, they all know me there and it'd be too risky, I could run into my friends. So a motel room will have to do.

I'm so sorry, angel. 

But at least we can be together, alone, with no threat of being caught.

You make three goals, and everyone screams for you. It's not enough to win, but it's enough for me.

I want you, regardless. You know you can score with me any time you want, as often as you want. You'll always win.

It's late, I tell him that I'm going to stay with a friend in town. She's having a hard time, divorce and all. He praises me, I'm such a good friend. So charitable.

I'm not. I'm horny and horrible and eternally addicted to you.

The room is dark when I get here. You have the number. I texted it to you. You'll be here soon, so I wait.

Your knock on the door startles me. I didn't know I'd fallen asleep, but I quickly let you in, wanting as much time with you as I can get. You're tired, sore from the game.

I take care of you, rubbing and smoothing and massaging every part of you that aches. Then I rub, smooth, and massage every part of you that aches for me.

You like my red and gold see-through nightie, even though you rip it in two.

The whole night, we spend inside of each other, in one way or another. We talk, we laugh, we dream. We sleep. 

And I've never slept so good, so peacefully. Your arms are my safe place, forever.

When the morning light cracks through the window, a tear slips down my cheek.

You want to break things off with Rindy, to leave. You can't hurt her anymore and she's begging to be near you, to be intimate with you.

If you leave her, you'll leave me, too. I won't see you anymore. There won't be a reason.

I tell you that I'll advise Rindy to slow things down, to take it easy and not move so fast. That way, I can still see you.

You kiss me in the shower, every part of me, before leaving me alone.

I'm sick to my stomach, to the point where I have to throw up. I'm glad you're not here to see it.

After it passes, the freezing water beats on me as I cry in the corner of the shower stall.

I'm losing you, yet I never had you.

What's wrong with me?


End file.
